OMG i GUESS i GOT iT BAD...

Hello! I will definitely update soon, I am so sorry I have been so busy! hope everyone understands!

YOU JUST KEEP ME HANGiN' ON. .

Hey everyone! So much for writing when I said I would. Oh god, I feel like a terrible bloggist. Ha, new word. But yea my computer was acting up so now I'm excited I can finally get on here and write. It's weird everytime I write in here the baby kicks like she enjoys it. As you can see I want to have a girl lol. Butttttttt back to my life..

Well the only thing I guess I can write about or at least I remember ( yea I'm losing it! ) is visiting D.j.'s parents yesterday. For once I finally felt like I was okay to walk in the house and be comfortable. It's not like they make me feel uncomfortable it's just that everytime I go there I have nothing to say! Ha, sounds weird but I just blank out. So anyway we go over there and I actually had a conversation with Dj's mom about all types of stuff. You know definitely about the baby, about my family, about Thanksgiving, about how gangsta I am you know. Ha, I had fun and I hope all the visits from now on are like that cause the whole thing with me not talking just wasn't working. I just don't want them to have these pre-conceieved notions about me. I love talking and I love making conversation I guess I just felt no one really cared about what I had to say. Plus I know Dj doesn't see his family as much as he wants to and so I try to keep my distance and just let them you know hang out and catch up. I can honestly say THE FOWLERS LOVE ME!! hahah. But you can honestly see that Dj's parents want the best for us. I know they went through the same thing just like us and they know the struggles we are going through right now. So it's good to have some input from people who have experienced this.

Other than that, hmm lets see.. me and Dj planned to put up a new bed frame and we definitely messed up. The frame was so lop sided, and we woulda broke it. So now me and Dj have the box spring and the bed on the floor. So basically we are sleeping low. I guess its okay lol. Hopefully we can get this fixed.

I am so bored right about now. I really wanna just leave and I have no way to. I could go to bristol to see my girls but I have to get on the train. The train station is so damn far away and I really don't wanna walk by myself. So I guess Ciara is stuck in the house another weekend. Ughh. Well I will def. write tomorrow. I missed this thing. Love ya! Ciara.

i PUT ON MY HAPPY FACE

Hey everyone. I am actually feeling a whole lot better today and it's about damn time. I don't really have that much to write about. Most of the crap I write down is out of frustration but it just seems today is gonna be a good day. Well at least it has been so far. I guess I'll explain what I did today.

Well I didn't wake up until 1 I believe. The only thing I did till 4 ; 3o was just hang out with Dj. We just talked, watched tv, and chilled. So when he went to work and I just cleaned up a little and by little thats what the hell I mean lol. Afterwards me, my mom, and Charles went out to dinner. I guess it was fun, just was pissed that all I heard was the people behind us. This girl talking about my boyfriend hates me, I think he's cheating, like shut up. oh well..

I guess I'm done, my day was fineee! I'll write tomorrow, Love ya! Ciara

THiS iS THE iCiNG ON THE CAKE. .

Hello. Don't exactly know how I'm feeling today. I'm kinda in the " I don't give a fuck " mood. Anyone ever have it? Yea well I just don't feel like doing much of anything. I just wanted to wake up and everything would be fine but of course when I open my eyes, the troubles have just begun.

Well I wake up, and I immediately start coughing, which I now know that I am sick. I've got a big headache, my nose either is runny or it gets stuffy, and it doesn't help that my throat is on fire. I was doing so good with not getting sick while I was pregnant but now since I've gotten sick oh lord, it sucks.

Next thing I happen to take notice to is my boyfriend isn't home. He went out with our friend Jeff for his birthday, I really don't mind, not at all. The thing that gets me is he tells me that he'll be home around 12 or 1. I didn't think I'd be up to hear him come in but I was surprised when I didn't feel him get into bed or anything. So now it's 12 in the afternoon the following day and he still isn't here. If he shows up here at like 1 or something I'm gonna smack him. If he wanted to stay out all night do whatever, fine with me. I know once the baby comes we both are gonna have to cut off a lot, but damn can you tell a bitch either A.M. or P.M.? Damn. I woulda felt better if he said that he was coming home the following day in the afternoon not just say I'll be home at 12 or 1 and knowing I'll assume he means that night.

Next on the list, I'm supposed to be watching my brother Dante's daughters. So I'm up at the crack of dawn ( well like 10 ha ) and he never shows. I finally check my MySpace and he tells me that Melissa is having her aunt watch the kids. I just find it amazing how they keep doing this to me. When they first needed a babysitter they told me yes and I was more than willing to. But of course they didn't wanna drive an extra 20 mins a day so they sent them over someone else's house. Next thing you kno my oldest niece Alicia comes home with bruises from being over there. They finally let me watch the kids, something they shoulda done in the beginning. Now this whole week they haven't come over once. Now my brother tells me Melissa is having someone else watch them.

So now as I'm thinking about all the shit that is going on, the only thing I can say is. . FUCK iT. If no one needs me do anything for them, if people wanna walk over me, if people wanna say one thing and do another then fine. . just FUCK iT. So right about now all I am trying to do is better and go to school. It's just amazing how my days unravel like this. Oh well. I'll probably write in here again later. Love ya! Ciara

SONG OF THE WEEK.

Well I just decided to have a song of the week each week. So this is the first one by Keyshia Cole. I love this songg.. hope you enjoy!

OH WOW, THAT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD.

Hey. Well I don't really know how to start this blog tonight. There are some things that are really getting to me. I don't know whether it's the fact I'm pregnant and I'm getting to the point where I'm just so emotional or people are just being rude.

I just feel like people judge me as soon as they find out that I'm pregnant. For example, I just recently got in contact with a friend of mine and you know I haven't talked to her since maybe 10th grade I suppose. I told her what was going on with my life, leaving out the fact I was pregnant, I just figured I'd surprise her. She comes to my house and she's like " Omg, your pregnant? Ugh, what are we gonna do now? " Basically implying that I can't do shit, I can't have fun just because I'm pregnant. She made me feel like I wasted her time because I can't drink or smoke or do anything that involves " partying ". Its people like her that make me realize how glad I got pregnant. At least I know now who my true friends are and believe me there's only a few.

Another thing that has really got me upset is when people don't understand how much this pregnancy effects me. I'll tell people " Oh my back hurts, my feet are swollen, I feel like I have no energy ". Someone in particular close to me is all " You don't do anything. All you do is go to school 2 times a week and then you come home. What are you complaining about?" I just get frustrated when people just look at me and automatically think I'm lazy. I know I don't do much to people but it is hard carrying an extra person on you all day everyday. I guess people don't realize I keep up with this big ass house I live in. Most of the cleaning everything with this house is done by me. I watch my nieces, I help my family out a lot. Maybe that's not much to people but I work my ass trying to do as much as I can.

I don't know. I just don't what to think or how to re-act to it. So I guess I'll just end my sob story. I already feel emotional. All I can do is look forward to tomorrow. Hopefully everything gets better. Love ya! Ciara

JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS . .

Hola amigos & amigas! Today is just one of those days where I just feel blah. So in order to cheer me up I figured that I just bring up some stuff that has happened to me or my friends that makes me laugh :)

1st story.

Well me and my boyfriend were always invited over our friend Jason's house to hang out drink or what not. So this particular night my friend Jason was throwing a party for his friend who was moving. I didn't know this girl personally but just knew she was cool and me and dj were invited but I decided to bring my friend Val along cause she had told me she was bored and wanted to get out that night. We don't even arrive at the party until it's damn near over because Dj had to work longer than he thought. So we went and picked up Val at like 1 in the morning lol. I figured we would just stay for like an hour and we'd leave.

So as we are there, people are walking out yelling " THE PARTY iS OVER BiiTCHESSS! " I'm thinking I'm aware asshole. So me, Dj, and Val continue to make our way down to the basement where the party was. Jason had all our alcohol which consisted of Hypno ( my favorite :] ), Alize, E & J, and I guess some cheap beer my boyfriend got. Figuring there was no party, I was gonna make my own party. I wanna say I drank my bottle of hypno in 15 minutes. I chugged it so fast and I got tipsy so quick. Now at the time it's just me, Dj, and Val in the basement chillin' just listening to music and then all the drama starts.

The girl who the party was for, came down stairs with an obvious attitude. She was looking all around for something but I wasn't sure what it was for. So me being the nice person I am I said " Hey, sorry I couldn't come to the party, but do you need help looking for something? " She tells me that she lost her phone and she'd appreciate if people would help her look for it. So I do , and I don't find it. Then she says " I'm gonna call my phone ya'll. Everyone shut the fuck up or ya'll are gonna deal with me ". So first off I laugh cause I'm just not a fan of someone talking shit just because they were the ones who lost their phone. So she calls her phone no one hears anything. So she tells Jason to keep callin her phone while she looks around. I happen to have a camera and it had a video of me from New Year's ( YES i AM GONNA TELL U ABOUT THAT ). So I am looking at it and I show Val and we were cracking up cause I call myself singing. Then all of sudden this girl says " Are you playing your camera right now? Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? " Yea. I'm thinking the same thing your thinking. I'm like damnnn bitch! I'm all types of drunk by this time and Val pulled me as soon as I was about to get up and say something to the girl. Val is being a good friend saying " Ciara we all know you don't shit from no one. But she did lose her phone just let her be mad. Don't even mind what she is saying, it's her last day and we all know you wanna curse her out and you will ". So I say fine and I laugh it off. Then to make it even worse she started to yell at someone and then she fell and I really didn't even care if she heard me it was funny as shit. And of course I had to say " DAMNNNNNNNNN! " Even though she yelled at me she did send me a message the following day on MySpace apologizing but by that time, I kinda forgot but I forgave her!

2nd story

So New Year's. . I decided to throw a hotel party, which ended up being a get together with only like 5 people ha. I mean regardless I still had fun. Jason and his girl Sonoma came, also Aaron, his friend Cheryl, and Dj's friend Jeff came. The whole night was just full of fun. Everyone was drinking, everyone was getting high, it was probably one of the best New Year's I've had. But the highlight of the night was when I dropped Jeff's chips :( I feel so bad till this day about those damn chips.

Me and Dj were sitting on the bed while Jeff , Jason and Sonoma were sitting facing us and by this time I was so hungry. The only food that I saw was Jeff's chips. So I nicely asked him in a drunken voice could I have some chips. He let me hold the container and told me be careful. Before I knew it I was stuffing my face with chips. I started telling a story and something happens. I feel my wrist slightly turning but I don't stop it and all of a sudden the whole row of chips just fall on the floor. Jeff screamed " I knew it!!! " Aw man. I couldn't do nothing but laugh. I tried so hard to hold it back but I just couldn't. Man that was too funny.

Ahhh, I like to go back to the old days. Well not really old days but you know what I mean. Well I'll most likely will write again. . So until then .. Love ya! Ciara

LET'S START OFF RiGHT :)

Hey world! The 1st official blog from Mz. Reeves herself :) Well so everyone isn't confused on who they are reading, my real name is Ciara. I was born in Willingboro, Nj but I was raised in Bristol, Pa. As of now I live in trenton with my parents and my boyfriend Derrick, he prefers D.j. ( whateverrrrr! ha ) of more than a year who I absolutely adore, ha :) Right now I am in my second year of school at Peirce College in Center city Philly. Though in college, I am still undecided on what I really want to do with my life. I've switched majors 3 times and right now I'm thinking about changing again. Yes I'm pretty indecisive and I hate to say it.

Anyway, eventually it will have to come up but I am expecting my first child in the middle of January, yes I am young and about to be a mother. To make things even more complicated this isn't my first pregnancy. I was pregnant in '06 but unfortunately had a miscarriage. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get pregnant again but here we are another year later and I am almost 7 months. Like I tell everyone, this was another " unplanned blessing " :)

With my pregnancy came a maturity level that I was unsure I would be able to handle. I'll be the first one to tell you I loved to drink. If me and my boyfriend heard anything about a party or a place with alcohol, or anything that had to deal with the fact we'd be drunk, we were there in ol' Bertha! ( my bf's not so dependable car ). Also, before I found out I was pregnant for a second time, I was smoking legally and illegally ( if you get my drift ) heavily. I think I mostly did things like that just because I was still hurting inside from the miscarriage and I just wanted to " rebel ". I haven't mentioned me and my mother have a very difficult relationship. It seems like me and her never agree on anything but she will be the first person I run to for advice. At the time before I was pregnant, I didn't want to deal with her and my best way to get her pissed off is do things she didn't like. But now that I am pregnant I guess I am finally using my head and don't necessarily need those things to get by in life. I've got a baby to take care of. All my time and energy is going to be put into a child and I'm not going to have time to you kno go out and have the time of my life like I used too. It is something I just have to live with and I know regardless of how people feel about my situation I am going to make it. I feel like I'm at a good place in my life ( even though my ass is broke! ).

So as of now I only go to class two days a week and I have 2 online classes. They started to shorten my workload just because of the baby. I don't have a job, well if you want to call me babysittin my brother Dante's kids than okay. My brother has 2 beautiful daughters Alicia who is 2 and Tiana who is 5 months now. I never expect my brother to pay me anything to watch my nieces because they are family and I don't need to be bribed just to watch my own nieces. Regardless if he paid me or not I would still watch the girls for him. He gives me like $25 dollars to watch them for like 4 or 5 hours b4 their mom, my good friend, Melissa picks them up. I appreciate the money a lot, so much I find it easy to spend it on little things. I know I better start saving it up on a serious note. D.J. isn't financially set where he wants to be either so it doesn't help that I am not helping him contribute to this child as of now. I just hope he realizes how much I really do appreciate all he does for his family. I am glad to know that my son or daughter is going to have a hard working father.

But other than that I barely have a social life like I used to not only because of the things my friends do, but I try my best to stay away from certain people who just start drama. I'm gonna be a mom and I sure as hell don't wanna hear about some shit that happened years ago in high school or someone is mad at me. Nope, sorry, don't have time, kiss my ass, and have a nice life. I think one of the reasons I've secluded myself is because some of my old friends just don't interest me anymore. I wanna do more than just drink and smoke and sit on someones porch or watch tv in someones house. To the people who have cars most of them just waste gas driving around cause they're " bored " . Some of my really good friends are away at school, we keep in touch you kno the AiM and MySpace and all but I wish I could see them more often.

Well I guess that's it for now. I'll probably update tomorrow cause I always have something to say. We'll see if anything interesting happens tomorrow. Other than that ; thanks for reading. Hope I kept you entertained. . . Love ya! - Ciara

CAN WE SAY NEW?!?!

I don't even know how to start this thing off, hmmm, let's think. Well to keep it short & sweet, this is my first blog & I'm happy to have started this. I'm really not looking to talk crap about anyone, I just like to speak my mind. So if anyone takes offense, sorry, but we're all adults here. If you have something to say in response, be my guest, leave a comment. But before we get anything twisted let it be known that this is my blog & I can say whatever I feel. So if anyone has a problem, I guess this blog isn't for you. For the people who came to my blog with an open mind thank you for the support. So . . . let's get this thing going! I'll start nice & fresh tomorrow.